Sex Education for the Kids

I was bloghopping over at Pinoy Teacher’s Network and saw this post. (LOL, wrong time to be bloghopping, got a ton of things to do but I couldn’t resist responding to this.)

My comment was:

best time to teach your child sex education: when you’ve prepared yourself, and when your child is ready for it — hence 2 requirements: 1) prepare yourself so there are no surprises, and 2) know your child well (both easier said than done). sex education is the parents’ responsibility. PERIOD. the only time i would prefer sex educ in school is if the parents won’t take the time or the energy to get involved and talk to their kids, which sadly is prob. the majority of public school kids in the US. we parents should not shy away from talking with our kids about sex, it is our God-given DUTY and PRIVILEGE. the thing is, “sex educ” does not mean giving your child every little detail — age and prior knowledge are factors as well. for a toddler who asks where did i come from, you could still say God sent you from heaven or from mommy’s tummy. the same answer is obviously not suitable for a 14-year-old, though both are still true, and if he heard those as a child all you need to do is expand on those in language he will now better appreciate.

tito rolly, i’m conservative, but there’s a way to be conservative and still talk to our kids about what they need to know. they cannot go into adulthood knowing nothing — the media or friends will give them the info, so it’s best WE give it to them, in the context they should receive it. — this is getting too long, sorry:(

and the continuation…

But I have given up on referring to their genitals as “birds” when they began to refer to them in the lingo, which they picked up in school.

Precisely why we need to talk to them first. Sooner or later they WILL hear something at school. Even if what they hear isn’t what we want them to hear, the fact that we’ve already touched on the subject with them at home means they have something to fall back on instead of being completely in the dark, which can sometimes result in the children thinking of their peers as “the person to ask”, instead of their parents.

Teachers and curriculum planners should not stop at merely discussing the physiology of sex but should include the social, economic, moral, and psychological impact of sex and do it creatively

Exactly, but at the same time this statement has to apply to parents first and foremost. No matter where our children learn about sex, they will be learning about it in the context presented by the teacher/friend/media/whathaveyou. In what CONTEXT would you prefer that they learn about sex? I would prefer that they learn about it in the comfort of their home, preferably in the loving arms of a parent who has their best interests at heart. In a conversation that’s held in the quiet of their room, or your living room, or in a father-son/mother-daughter date. Whatever our beliefs, they SHOULD affect the subject. You cannot discuss sex clinically and expect children to derive the real lessons you want them to extract from “the talk”. Sex should always be discussed in conjunction with our faith and our morals. That’s the only way we can be consistent and unambiguous. That’s the only way we can give our children the confidence to approach us when they have questions. The first time you get to it more “in depth” with a teen is also the best time to go into a contract with them. Promise your child that you will always answer his questions truthfully, and deliver on that promise. Promise your child that you will not see any question as stupid. Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” If I’m unprepared to discuss something with my child, I say so. I say something to the effect of, “I’m glad you came to me with this question, and it’s very important that we discuss this, but the information I have is incomplete right now, or I still need to figure out what the best way is to tell you about this in words you will understand.” Most importantly, I ask my child to promise that if he/she ever has questions related to his/her body, or relationships, etc., that he/she come to me FIRST. This does two things: It increases your child’s confidence and trust in you, and it increases your trust in your child (a good thing). If we’ve done a good job of building up our relationship with our child over the years, this should not be difficult and should actually just be another step in the right direction. If we know we haven’t done a very good job, now’s the time to backtrack a bit, make deposits and investments into that relationship if we haven’t done it before.

“How come they kiss and have babies when they’re not even married?” (My son asked me this question).

I think my first question would be, how was the child introduced to this concept of kissing-having-babies-not-being-married? That is the first question that needs to be asked. Are we allowing our children access to information/influences/TV shows that are not exactly appropriate for their age or their base knowledge?

It’s true that for most of us, our parents didn’t do a very good job of educating us about sex. These subjects were still pretty much taboo at the time. But we could either complain and blame, or we can move forward. That was then, this is now. We also had a different set of challenges to deal with when we were teenagers. Our kids are bombarded now, nonstop, left and right, TV, radio, Internet — it’s everywhere. You either block it out completely (close to impossible), ignore the threat, i.e., let them be exposed to anything and everything without paying attention to the consequences, OR, as I believe we should, choose to FILTER what comes into our homes and our conversations. Yes, it is very difficult, and it’s the unique challenge we face today. But it’s doable. With unconditional love, anything is doable.

No, our job may not be perfect. Our children may still stumble. There may be heartaches we didn’t foresee. But if we’ve done our best (and prayed our best), chances are they’ll look back one day and have these lessons and promises in the back of their minds, ready to surface when their heads and hearts are ready to be touched again.