Recently, the subject of socialization came up again at the forum. It hit me hard that day because I was just recently informed of another “concerned person” commenting about our children. This particular person ASSUMED that my 16-yo feels badly about “still being homeschooled despite her age”.

I really don’t get it. If you do, please explain it to me. This person knows our children. He has commented often enough about how our kids are great, how smart they are, blah blah blah, etc.

I DON’T GET IT! Regularly, we get comments from people about how wonderful our children are, how well-behaved, how friendly, how nice, yada yada yada…. and yet underlying all this is the unsaid portion of the statement as it trails off… so I’m going to supply it here.

What people usually seem to say (and correct me if I’m wrong) when they compliment our children, is

“They are so (supply positive adjective here)….. [snip*]despite the fact that they’re homeschooled![/snip]”

* the part of the sentence left unsaid, but is most definitely hanging in the air

I think I’m being reasonable enough in supplying that part of the sentence, when it COULD really be a number of things, because their next sentences are usually comments on how they can’t possibly homeschool themselves, they’re not capable, they’re not smart enough, they don’t have the time, how it’s so hard to raise kids these days, so many bad influences, how parenting is so difficult, etc., etc. Usually it’s along the lines of “I don’t know how you do it” or “You’re doing something different” (presumably, different from “other people”, including themselves — well yes I am!).

People, it’s NOT ME. Yes, of course, I have a bit to do with it here and there, but let’s try to think about this logically, shall we?

1. If you’ve met any homeschoolers, you probably would agree with me that they’re pretty normal, fun, okay kids.

2. If you haven’t met any homeschoolers, then you really shouldn’t pronounce judgment until you’ve met at least a few, say TEN (that’s a small enough number, don’t you think, given that there are approx. 1+ million kids being homeschooled in the US these days, and the numbers continue to grow around the world). Get out there and meet some, PLEASE. Then come back here and keep reading.

3. Now let’s think about this. You think my kids are great. Do you somehow think they’re the EXCEPTION to the rule? That they’re actually ANOMALIES? Because let me tell you now, THEY ARE NOT.

4. My kids are great, yes, but so are the bunches of homeschooled kids that I’ve met in our 9+ years of homeschooling!

5. So…. if MY kids are great, and you already know they’re not geniuses or Tiger Woods or some type of child prodigy who needs to be put in a lab and tested and poked; if you’ve already come to the conclusion that MY kids are not *that* special, but that they are good kids…. can’t you make the mental leap from there that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, at least some, maybe more, maybe most of the homeschooled kids out there ARE normal too?

6. And that my kids are normal, great, kind, polite, etc., NOT DESPITE OF being homeschooled, but BECAUSE OF?

7. And that if that were the case with my children, then PERHAPS that’s the case with other homeschooled children as well?

Is that really too much to ask? Sigh…..

Now going back to the person who thinks my child should *be in school by now*. First of all, she COULD be, yes. We asked her specifically if she wanted to attend public school when we moved back here (not that this is anyone’s business but our own, but since I’m already venting here…).

She would be entering high school so it wouldn’t have been a big deal. High school is when most public school kids switch gears anyway and attend a different institution. But no, SHE CHOSE to stay homeschooled. Every year, we ask her if she wants to go and she doesn’t! (You might find this funny, or not, depending on where you’re coming from, but some of us actually THREATEN to send our kids back to school when they don’t behave!) When our other kids reach high school age, yes, we will ask them if they want to go to regular school as well.

So, to answer more sometimes-left-unasked questions:

8. Yes, a lot of homeschooled kids opt to go to high school. A lot of them don’t. It just depends on the child and the family. I’m sure these people would not appreciate it if *I* told them to get their kids out of public school and private school because I think their kids are getting TOO MUCH SOCIALIZATION. (Just imagine if the tables were turned, and every time you met a homeschooler, you would be asked to justify your reasons for sending your child to public or private school.) So why should people care if mine “don’t get any”?

9. Which is another thing I don’t get. Really the biggest thing I don’t get. In one sentence, they praise my child for being so kind-nice-polite-whatever. Five minutes later, they express concern about her socialization. Again, let’s try to think logically about this. If my child is already so great, that A THINKING ADULT would think her worthy of such praise, don’t you think she’s been SOCIALIZED ENOUGH? Do you expect her to carry a gun or two in her backpack? Do you expect her to bully some little kids at the playground? Do you expect her to mouth off in public and act out and answer back when talking to her parents? I don’t know what people want! They say they want good kids, but when they see them/talk to them, they think “something’s missing”.

You know, now that I think about this, “well-meaning” — in this case — doesn’t mean that at all. It means they think you’re doing great, but that you’re still not doing everything you’re supposed to do. It means they think you’re SHORTCHANGING your children because you didn’t do this or that. I could just pick a flip answer and say that’s between me and my God, but I’m so tired of this “S” word. I’d send you to my kid’s blog to show you just how “socialized” she is (a little too much, really, in my opinion). But really, what good would that do? People will believe what they want to believe.

I could say more but I’ll stop. I’ll just let other people speak for me, since I share a lot of their thoughts on this matter anyway.

Whew, this topic is exhausting! I’m gonna go now and grab my tea and wake up my unsocialized kids. Maybe I’ll open some windows today and get some air in because they’ve been locked up in their closets all these years.

Four black belts in the family. Yeah!

Aisa just got hers tonight. Her wrists are bruised and her arm is kinda numb — they had a concrete block for her instead of the cinder block required for black belt testing, and noticed it too late. But she broke all her boards, did wonderfully at sparring even after getting hit in the eye, knew all her forms and hardly hesitated at her one-steps. And her up-and-down routine was tremendous. And last night after dinner with friends, her spirits were at 150%. Might even go for kyo sa nim! Woo hoo!!!

She joins Dad, Paco (11) and Migi (8) in the black belt tradition. I’m so proud of my baby (although I was too nervous to watch the breaking and went outside to read and pray instead).

The past few years we’ve tried to simplify our lives as we approach the Christmas season — and I think that each year we keep getting better, though we’re not completely “there” yet. Last year we still had a bit of scrambling for this and that the last few days before Christmas. Not our ideal way to celebrate Jesus’ birthday!

This year I’m getting some help from Organized Christmas.com. I’ve printed out my Christmas Countdown planner and will get started on it next week, a bit earlier than recommended because we have more traveling to do before Christmas. Besides that, I’m following some parts of their Holiday Grand Plan (which actually started last week, but I figure it won’t hurt to try and catch up). One of the first things you do on the Grand Plan is make lists.

Being Filipino we already incorporate a lot of Chinese and Spanish traditions in our celebrations, but there are a few more things we’ve adopted from other countries as well. The Christmas cracker is one British tradition we enjoy, so this year it again appears on my list of possible stocking stuffers. (The other British tradition I love is the Christmas pudding with hard sauce!)

It was just lovely timing then that I was asked to review the site Tom Smith Christmas Crackers.

Though I had known about Tom Smith and the history of Christmas crackers, I didn’t know there was a “Tom Smith” cracker company. (You get quite an education researching these things.)

Tom Smith has several categories to choose from; here are a couple of things that caught my eye: Classically Striped Christmas Crackers and Traditional Tree Wreath Christmas Cracker. They’re so pretty and festive, aren’t they?

One thing that boggles the mind: when you click on the individual crackers to read the description, you’ll see “Important Sizing Links for this Item” which will take you to a sizing chart. Do people wear Christmas crackers and I was just never aware of this?

After some more browsing around the site, I found that this is the same company that owns and operates Halloween Express and Christmas Express — they acquired Tom Smith Christmas Crackers this year. So what seems to have happened here is that the same template was used across their sites, hence the sizing information which is unnecessary for the Christmas crackers portion.

There are also Disney and Halloween crackers in the “Specialty Cracker” section, but eh. What makes Christmas crackers special for me is their association with Christmas. Anytime you stretch out an item to include other events on the calendar it loses its novelty and becomes BLAH.

Their specialty crackers and juvenile crackers, BTW are the same. Maybe they should just lump this as one category instead of having two — at least until they can fill in the category with varying items.

Some important things to know before you order: You get free shipping for orders $100 or more. Actually in this section of the website it says $99 — which is confusing. They also DO NOT ACCEPT returns. Oh, and Internet orders ONLY.

What I’d really like to see is an offering for make-your-own Christmas crackers, for those of us who would like to put in our own favors or who have fun putting things together. Such an activity would be fun for kids too.

I’d also like to see a statement about where products are made. Many companies are now tacking on this information to their product descriptions — as they say, an informed consumer is your best customer. When your customers know exactly what they’re getting, you’re less likely to get complaints/questions, so my suggestion is to provide as much information as you can upfront.

I e-mailed customer service to inquire and I was told that the crackers are “manufactured in our factories in Asia”. Last year the crackers I bought (not from this company though) were made in China, so the assumption that these are made in China as well would not be far-fetched. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Considering that the English Christmas cracker was originally inspired by the Chinese fortune cookie, it’s not so ludicrous an idea — though still good to know ahead of time.

Lastly, one little quibble: negligible to some, but may affect how people view their company in terms of professionalism: the word “receive” is misspelled “recieve” in several places. A good editor might help:)

Overall, I think it’s a well-enough designed site, though quite generic. Do read the FAQs before you order!

Oh and yeah, in case I didn’t make it clear, this is a paid post.

Just compiling links here. Gift-buying is coming up again and this year we’d really like to support local manufacturers AND avoid sweatshop-produced stuff.

Sweatfree.org

Co-op America

Sweatshop Watch

And of course the Fair Trade Federation.

Other solutions to the dilemma — grow your own, make your own, build your own. Or, do without.

- watched Night at the Museum Saturday night — what fun! And surprisingly, clean language! My only objection is that they had to use a divorced couple to show an “incapable Dad” trying to prove his worth to his child — but then again, divorce is all around us it’s not like this is something the kids are totally unfamiliar with.

- went to PKI with the kids Sunday. We spent the whole day riding rides and eating bad food. This was company day so entrance was free; I was smart enough this time to bring lots of books and index cards and pens — heee…. did some garden planning while waiting for the kids to come back from their rides. Bong and I took turns escorting Yena to *her* rides. We didn’t stay for fireworks though — by that time Dad’s allergies *and* mine were so bad we just had to go home and get some rest. We SHOULD have taken Claritin, which I brought along but forgot about anyway.

- currently reading

Aisa’s getting her black belt this weekend! Woo hoo!!! Celebrating a child’s achievement — one that I can’t watch. Well, okay, I won’t watch the sparring nor the cinder-block-breaking, but I’ll watch everything else.

Oooh… and I hope to get some shopping done at the upscale Goodwill near Chris’.