Be Concerned: Deep Conversion, Deep Prayer

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thorns

I don’t have a much of a reflection today. I’m not even going to quote from the book.

There’s a lot on my mind. My daughter’s health. Actually, everyone’s health… but I’m not going to detail here. Just, I guess as a mom and a wife, these things are always on the top of my list of concerns. I don’t think that’s going to change. I do my best to not let these things overwhelm me, and I’m okay most days, just happy to let God be in charge. And then there are days when they get to me. While this is not one of those days, I’m still in this limbo-haze state, and my mind is somewhat fuzzy, so I’ll share this song instead.


This Lent, I’ve finally identified what this “thing” is that God put into my life: it’s a thorn. I’ve long suspected that it’s there to keep me humble, but I wasn’t sure. It certainly brought me to my knees and reminded me that I am not invincible after all. Some days I’m able to rise above it. Other days I just shake my head at myself and wring my hands and say to God and Mama Mary, “I tried. That’s the best I can give it today.” Months ago I prayed for the thorn to be taken away, but for whatever reason, God has seen fit to have it remain there. The benefit of having one is that I am no longer ever complacent. It brings a constant awareness that wasn’t there before. No complacency here, because it’s not like I can un-know what I know now. In giving me this thorn, He took away my biggest source of pride. There is no turning back; I can no longer say, “Yay Me!” There’s no room to hide. I have to admit, the thorn has kind of “grown on me”…. hm. Like a fungus? :D No. More like an unrelenting reminder that I am so helpless without God’s grace. Yet He still loves me… some days, it’s hard to get my brain to accept that as fact, but I try to take Him at His word. And I think He takes me at mine. And so I thank Him for the thorn.

… and I guess that’s how it is
When I let you move
Because you take me at my word
and now I know
That faith is not a fire
As much as it’s a glow
… A little burning ember
In my weary soul

PS I just found this. It’s helpful.

2 Comments

  1. it takes courage to own up to some thorn, so congrats! it feels odd to congratulate anyone having a thorn though. anyway, thanks for the great find!

  2. heh :) i’m doing my best still to get rid of that thorn :D

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