When my family migrated to the United States in 1986, I had no idea what God had in store for me. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to finish college and settle down with whomever God had picked out for me, at age 27, after a courtship of at least five years… but God laughed at my plans.

I met my husband the year after we moved here. A serendipitous moment for certain, as we had almost met at least a couple of times before, but finally met under circumstances brought about by people whom we didn’t expect would play a part in our story.

Though he and I were fast friends, he made it clear almost from the start that this was a courtship in progress. He was a man on a mission and he was out to get me, simple as that.

This may sound weird but even as a teen I looked at every guy who expressed interest from a marriage standpoint. Perhaps it was my own parents’ happy marriage that gave me this particular lens. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy male friendships for what they were, but I learned early on how to distinguish boys from men, and I knew I couldn’t marry a boy.

My husband and I had both been broken by heartache, but we were both prayerful people, and we do believe that God designed us for each other. When we met we found that we could go beyond just healing together. By the time we got to pre-Cana we knew each other intimately and knew that married life wouldn’t bring us too many unpleasant surprises.

When I met him, my husband was working for a testing lab, while at the same time completing his Master’s degree in mechanical engineering. I witnessed firsthand how he worked in this small laboratory filled with machinery and all kinds of materials and greasy tools. I saw a person not afraid of hard work.

We had frequent one-on-one dates, but we also spent lots of time with family and friends. We grew as a couple through these interactions and at the same time built up a support group around us, made up of people who shared our values.

I was not the only one he courted. He paid attention and was kind to the rest of my family, especially my grandfather and my two younger brothers. None of it was a put on to impress me. To this day, he’s the same thoughtful man: when we visit my parents he takes the time to check their car, their faucets, their heating, to make sure things are in working order. And he still coaches my brothers from time to time on jobs and other life decisions.

My husband knew he had something good to offer and all he had to do was convince me to accept the gift. He was basically asking the question, would I build a life with him, and carry his crosses and share his joys with him? It wasn’t difficult to get to yes.

Courtship and dating are so misunderstood these days. Many seem to think of them as a dichotomy, but I would like to posit that they are overlapping parts of a healthy whole, and romance an essential element of building intimacy that cannot be overlooked, because it sets the tone for the relationship and how it will grow through the years.

Feelings and emotions have been getting a bad rap lately, but we cannot dismiss them as though they are faulty components of the human psyche. Though our intellect should not be set aside, we are also emotional beings after all, and romance is what feeds emotion. It’s all about developing a couple language, and we developed one that we have been conversing with for the last 25+ years.

While chocolates, roses, songs, and love letters have always been part of the picture where my husband and I are concerned, the enduring themes that I’ve seen played over and over in our relationship are service and sacrifice. I’ve always thought of courtship as a “selling” of oneself, not as a commodity, but an offering or a gift, and here was a man who from the beginning offered me both eros and agape, his hands open, his sincerity unwavering.

My heart breaks when I hear stories today of young people having lost the ability to date, who have no notion of courtship. When he was courting me, I got the message that this man was willing to give up his life for me. Here was someone I could follow, because he follows Christ. And saying yes to my husband was ultimately saying yes to God’s plan for me.

Originally published at Fathers for Good.