… and these Thy gifts …

We have created a society where children are afraid or embarrassed to ask their parents tough questions. We can either accept that/assume that it is true of our child/teen as well, or we can take steps to correct/refute it.

How did this happen anyway? When children ask questions, they are not given straight answers, either because of parental fear or confusion. Or they are not given the attention or time that they need. Questions should be answered in a straightforward fashion and not deflected in an attempt to distract the child. Doing so creates an atmosphere of distrust and leads to even more confusion. The child is led to believe either a) that his/her question is unimportant, ergo the answer is also unimportant, or b) that the parent doesn’t know what the answers are, and thus, next time that a question arises, the child should just go consult someone else. If the child goes to a trusted adult who shares the parents’ views or can provide wholesome guidance, that’s something to be thankful for. But if the child knows of no such adult, or instead goes to a peer who is at the same stage of questioning and confusion, then problems can arise.

Parents should be children’s “first line of defense” against the attacks of modernity and secularism. Divini Illius Magistri points out that we are to be the primary educators of our children. The Sacrament of Marriage itself calls us to procreation — but it doesn’t stop there — it calls us to the education of our children as well: “by its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory” (Gaudium et Spes)”.

Teaching our children, especially about matters of the faith and the application thereof to our/their daily lives, should not be cause for fear or consternation. We should not face such opportunities with a feeling of inadequacy. Rather we should learn to face them head on, knowing that these moments are GIFTS, and receiving them with grace and eagerness to deal with the challenge is part of God’s mandate. We should not shirk our duty. Further, we should not assume that “someone else can do a better job”. Nothing is more effective towards touching a child’s heart than a parent’s honest and heartfelt admission that we have faced the same challenges they are facing. We can provide insights on how we have been able to cope with those challenges successfully. Admissions of mistakes and failings are also most welcome here — we do not have to be infallible in the eyes of our children. But they do have to see that we have come back from making those mistakes, and made another attempt to do what’s right. That’s what integrity is about, and these days, integrity is something that children are rarely taught. That we have learned to forgive ourselves, and ask forgiveness from our God… these are additional lessons that they have to internalize also (but we’ll talk about that at another time).

As parents we know our children best (or we should). We hold their hearts in our hands, and our families are the molds by which God shapes them here on earth. With our help they can become the vessels God wants them to be for His heavenly Kingdom.

If we are feeling inadequate, we should then endeavor to arm ourselves, so that we are ready for battle at a moment’s notice. Educating ourselves in God’s Word and the teachings of the Church is key. This is the only way we can outfit our “knights” for the spiritual struggles they are sure to face, if not today then someday soon. The teachings of the Church are such that they provide CLARITY in a morally relativistic world, where everything is permissible and it is no longer politically correct to call any action a “sin”. Lessons in black and white are much needed — they give our children the strength to stay out of the gray. When given early and charitably, our children have time to process and digest them before they are called to apply them. Expecting them to jump from information to application before they’ve had the chance to mull these things is unfair — but again, that’s fodder for another discussion at a later time.

Some practical tips for answering those tough questions:

1. Begin with a prayer to the Holy Spirit and Mother Mary to guide our minds and hearts and give us the right words.
2. If you know the topic beforehand, find a few Bible passages and CCC topics to help you out. If you have a parent resource such as a help forum like this, browse through some of the answers from wise parents who have been there before.
3. Keep foremost in mind that the goal is to assure the child of our love and our commitment to their well-being, both here on earth and beyond. Doing this will help us to LISTEN not only with our ears and our brains but also with our hearts.
4. Speak from the heart — our children are smart people…. they can figure out when wisdom is borne out of experience, or just pretend, a put-on to impress them.

To be honest I am much more nervous about answering questions like “why is the sky blue?” — because if I make a mistake there my children will forever mistrust my scientific knowledge. There is nothing more reassuring to a child than hearing their parent say “I don’t know, but together we can find out.” I tell my children all the time that I am just another learner, learning alongside them, and that God is not through with me. I even tell my oldest child that she’s our guinea pig and we’re feeling our way through things as well… which means they need to be patient with us too. That message is received more gratefully than scornfully. It helps

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“Our hearts were made for Thee, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in Thee.”
“Sero te amavi pulchritudo tam antiqua et tam nova!” (Late have I loved thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new!)

Lots of reading and activities here.

Today, we are remembering St. Augustine. Yesterday, it was his mother’s memorial. These are two of my favorite saint stories — the mother who prayed unceasingly for her wayward son, soooo unwaveringly faithful, that he turned away from sin and became a saint. Here’s what St. Augustine had to say about his own mother. How can a parent not be inspired?

I keep wondering what St. Augustine and St. Monica and all the rest of them are saying up there in heaven after his words have been severely misused by those down here.

And for those of us who are just that wee bit crazy about Latin, here’s a very timely lesson (w00t! This will take us several weeks to dig into!) from Context, Pelosi. from Aliens in this World. Gotta say though, if Pelosi reads Latin, I can’t help but be mighty impressed. But then again, as the Spartans said, *IF*.

We are lucky enough to be the owners of a couple of older volumes by St. Augustine, found at a book sale, they used to belong to a priest! DD-17 has been reading parts of Confessions for her Theology of the Body class, so this is great timing. Especially since she’s graduating at the end of the week, she’ll have PLENTY of time to delve into more of St. A’s works.

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The Importance of Touch - shared by Elizabeth and found on my reader, so I am now a subscriber as well :). This reminds me of another thread at 4real — which I googled for and cannot find right now — about the importance of continuing to give our children the gift of touch.

It warms my heart so when I see dh hugging the kids, so I encourage him to do it and do it often. I myself who grew up in a more touchy-feely household, still have to remind myself to touch the kids several times a day, everyday. This is why quiet times are so important and should not be given up for the day’s chores or other “responsibilities”.

That moment in the morning when the kids are still warm from their beds is a chance to cuddle and get a few minutes of energizing love before we move on to the day’s activities. It doesn’t happen daily though. And would that I had 4 arms instead of the two. What’s funny (and frustrating) is how the kids often wrangle for the space closest to my heart — a very limited space in terms of square inches. Sometimes we take turns, sometimes we have to convince the older child to give way. Which is why it’s doubly essential to take the very next opportunity to hug that older child close, when they don’t have to compete with a younger sibling.

Quiet time in the afternoon, when people are sated by lunch and starting to get sleepy is another such chance to get close. A read aloud at this time is such a welcome treat, not just for the little ears (and by little I mean even up to the pre-teen, and sometimes even the teen) but for Mom too — it’s about this time I’m needing a break. But for some unexplained reason I don’t get sleepy as quickly as when I have two kids in the crooks of my arm and a book in my hands. I usually have enough energy to read a good-sized picture book, or a favorite Beatrix Potter, or one or two chapters of a longer book. And fifteen minutes of power-napping is PLENTY for me.

Then there’s the evening prayer. We haven’t yet graduated to kneeling, as the kids find this time very convenient for getting lengthy hugs from Dad and Mom. We sit on the couches praying our Rosary together, two kids per parent. We have to be careful with posture or we’ll be nodding off before the Rosary is over: another good reason to start early. We switch the kids around; planned or unplanned, it works. It has also made a difference in our overall disposition — we may have had some bad moments late afternoon when everyone is starting to get tired and gotten cranky and snippy, so the family Rosary brings us all back in and into a warm, loving mood. It’s very hard to stay angry at each other when one’s hugging the other.

I’ve also got a theory about touch — and why it’s so important that we continue giving our older kids this empowering gift, all the time. Besides touch refreshing one’s spirit short-term, it is such a deep, emphatic need that is so basic to our well-being… one that if not fulfilled at home, will have to be fulfilled elsewhere. Failing to touch our children, especially at the times when they need it most, is equivalent to pushing them away, into the company of others who are more than willing to provide that connection. If those others are well-meaning, mature loved ones (like doting grandparents, say) — then we are lucky. What if we’re not? I believe that some of our teens fall into sin, knowingly or unknowingly, because there is a need that is not being fulfilled at home. The sad part is that there are, indeed, predators just waiting to exploit this need. Or a sympathetic soul who has the same unmet longing.

I wonder how many teens could be saved from bad choices if we would only take the time to hug them today and everyday.

Continuing to read the Book of Numbers:

The Lord bless you and keep you:
The Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you:
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
- Numbers 6:24-27

One of my favorite Bible passages, I remember using it on occasion to end my letters, many years ago when we first came to the US and there was no e-mail to stay in touch with old friends. I used to wonder why I sometimes would hear it at the end of Mass, and sometimes not. It turns out the Roman Missal includes it as one of the optional blessings Father can use (explanation from the Navarre Bible Commentary).

Another one from Numbers and Navarre, which is meaningful to me right now as I continue to learn and understand the beauties of Traditional Mass: Chapter 7, which details the tribes’ offerings to the Lord: Navarre’s explanation:

Once the Israelites settle down in Canaan they will always look back to their ancestors, in order to imitate them; in this particular case, to emulate their generosity in divine worship and the refinement with which they brought their offerings to the Lord in the temple.

An ex-co-worker used to needle me about the Catholics’ “wealthy Churches”. He hasn’t seen our minuscule Filipino churches filled with faithful people, mostly poor ones who probably don’t eat in one day what he ate in one meal. Dh’s father had one built in Bicol, partially from funds dh sent him when he started working here in the US. It’s probably as small as our living room and dining room combined. But that they offer Mass at that Church — actually more like chapel — the same Mass that we offer all over the world… is awesome to me.

On the one hand, it’s not the building or its accoutrements that are most important here, but how our hearts are disposed to receive Him. On the other hand, when we have the means to make a bigger offering — why not? Everything belongs to the Lord after all. We are called to give Him back the BEST of what He has given us. And less to the point, but still…. we Catholics don’t have the corner on beautiful, magnificent churches. There is a temple near us (I don’t know if it’s Islamic, Jewish, or what) that is gilded with GOLD on the outside features and roof. So far I haven’t met anyone who has complained about it being too gaudy or wasteful — adjectives I’ve heard used to describe our Catholic churches .

About the menorah — I *love* finding explanations like this, of Jewish customs and traditions, in my very Catholic Bible!

The lampstand or menorah was a rich golden artifact placed beside the table of the offertory bread. [snip]… it was obviously a very important feature of divine worship, given that the lamps had to be kept burning all the time. The fact that the arms were seven in number indicates completeness. (note to self: I need to learn more about that 7=completeness thing) [snip] Rabanus Maurus says that “the seven lamps are the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, which abide forever in the Lord, our Redeemer, and in his members, that is, in all those chosen in keeping with his will”.

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So I’m sick. And spent more time on the computer today than usual, owing to my being in bed most of the day. I did try to work on one of Yena’s summer outfits this morning, and got as far as the sleeves. Then I realized I needed to have lining, and I’m out. So that will have to wait until a trip to Joann’s or Hancock Fabrics.

We have 30 books waiting for us at the library!!! DH will be picking them up tomorrow. The boys worked through a similar number of books in December-January. I know now the secret to keeping them from reading junky, twaddly stuff. Keep a steady supply of good/great books!!! Most of the books I have on hold are recommendations from Michael O’Brien’s A Landscape with Dragons. More than any of my guides to good books, this is my favorite. Why? Because it has so many older titles, some classics, but not all heavy reading as to turn off a child. Plus, he has recommendations by age, e.g., same author, but some books for 11 and up, some for 9 and up. AND he’s got LOTS of wonderful book suggestions for BOYS. For instance, 11-yo just loves “The Story of a Bad Boy“. Just the title is enough to get your attention. The book is so well-written that our 16-yo read it and INSISTED that the boys must read it. I haven’t read it myself… yeah… I gave up on that game a while back. If I try to catch up on every single book my kids are reading I’ll have to read 24 hours a day, more if God will grant me more. Next best thing? Rely on the recommendations of known Catholic moms/fellow homeschoolers and authors. The only type of book really that I am still able to catch up on are the picture books, since 6-yo, though she reads on her own, still asks me to read to her daily (with pleasure!!). Had I had this many choices in good books, picture and otherwise, I probably would have avoided some of the icky material I was exposed to in elementary and high school, and might have formed my conscience better at a younger age.

I am now reading Emma. Then perhaps after the Jane Austen marathon I will go back to reading Don Quixote which I pushed aside last year — it’s just sooo much work! Dd-16 reminded me again today that I haven’t read Lord of the Rings. Ugh. I have yet to finish The Hobbit. Sigh…. the Jane Austen books are so entertaining, and me having such an attachment to Old World things, they’ve easily become my favorite books. And though every Austen book I’ve read so far has lessons to impart, I particularly was struck by the lessons from Mansfield Park. I could almost call it the Jane Austen novel for homeschooling moms — lots of teachings, especially at the end of the book, about how important it is that we focus on the inner person, on principles, rather than outward accomplishments and proprieties. Though story-wise to me it’s the most unsatisfying Austen book. (I’ll elaborate more maybe one of these days.)

This morning I did finish re-reading Sins of Parents. It’s funny how these books, no matter how many times you reread them, always has something NEW jump out at you as if you’ve never read it before. I’ll be reading parts of it aloud to hubby the next few days.

Oooh, and guess what I had time to do today, finally!!! My categories! I’ve narrowed them down to 10, though I still have cleaning and tidying up to do. I am not looking forward at all to fiddling with those tags. Tried that before and spent too many hours, only to be rewarded with a non-working blog and having to go back to square one. Hopefully not this time. AND! I’ve worked a bit on the recipe index — after more than a year of blogging at this domain, I just today realized that the links I’ve got on that index are still my old ones from Stefoodie.net. Duh. Still in progress, but at least most of the links should be working now.

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