Considering how I felt yesterday, and how I felt Monday, and most especially how I felt Sunday, I am very much surprised at how today has been going rather well. Well enough for me to write this blog post with gusto.
Perhaps one day I can detail exactly what has happened in the last few days and why I am where I am, but right now I am still having difficulty putting everything into words.
Today I took Nino on a purposely extended ride for errands through town — going farther than I normally would, meandering through the streets at an easy pace, weaving in and out of almost every aisle at Walmart, spending quite a bit of time at the Hot Wheels section, checking out possible additions to the track set… Nino and I even had time for a quick lesson on “want vs. need”, and we managed to get out of the store without a single whine from him. I’ve given myself a pat on the back for that one. Got some lids for the Mason jars which I’m painting tomorrow. I sure hope the family that graciously gave us several cases of these haven’t regretted their generosity, considering how “hot” Mason jar crafts are these days.
A trip to Michael’s with Yena and Nino after lunch and a 15-minute power nap did me wonders, and I came home with some goodies to use on a gift tenner I’m working on. I’ve never believed in retail therapy, but today was a good day for it.
I have prepared an “emergency bag” for myself for those hours in the day when the oppression is at its worst, so I can run to Adoration without falling apart while looking for car keys and spiritual reading and journals and pens, etc.
I’m avoiding certain triggers as much as possible, though e-mail is harder to avoid . One day… one day soon, I’ll figure it out.
One thing that frustrated me this evening was taking apart the old video camcorder, to extract the VHS tape that’s stuck inside. It’s been sitting here several years and I finally got around to asking hubby what he was planning to do with it. Of course, he had planned to take it apart himself, but his own plate is overflowing most days, it will take another forever before this gets done. So, with teeny screwdrivers in hand (thank goodness he’s the son of an optometrist), I set to work. After 30 minutes of tinkering and growing annoyance, I gave up. I don’t know what the lesson was supposed to be. I thought I would feel triumphant at the end of the exercise and would be able to tell the blasted machine, “There! Now YOU’RE fragmented, and I’m NOT!!!” Didn’t happen quite that way. And I know I would have felt 100x better had I just taken a sledgehammer and smashed the thing. There is *no* satisfaction whatsoever to see it lying there, the screws that were holding it together scattered all around. Apart but not exactly. Innards loose but still hanging on. And that tape that contains heaven-knows-what still stuck in there, like the unwelcome tape that has been running through my brain. Sigh. I hate electronics with a passion sometimes. Weren’t they supposed to make life easier?
On the other hand, I stumbled across this video today (Warning: Not for kids!!! Violent and Crude Behavior). I remember my brothers liking them — I was never familiar with their music — but today this made me smile, for one reason and one reason alone: I am *not* this angry, so my guardian angel must still be pleased with me, even if only marginally. Supposedly the video is about moving forward despite what you’re going through. Hm.